Welcome

Somehow, through the mysterious complexities that is the Internet, you have stumbled across this little space of mine that I hope to call my own. Here, on this blog, I will not hold back, I will not write with others in mind, I will not write in fear of what people might think. I will be completely and unconditionally myself, something I fail to do within my real life.

I actually have another blog, it has been going for some time, but the amount of unpublished posts nearly match the number of published ones. Why don't I publish them? It has nothing to do with the quality of the writing, or if I don't deem it worthy to grace my blog's presence... it has everything to do with the fact that a few people I know in real life read that blog. Because of this, I hold back, never reveal what I really want to say... or more important, what I am really thinking.

So welcome, here you will find just me, crystal clear through and through.

My name is Aaron, I am 21 years old, I live in Australia. Last year was the worst year of my life, but I will save you from that self-loathing tale for another day. As a result of what transpired, I am still a shell of my former self. Paranoid, depressed, erratic, closed. Well on the inside that is. On the outside to those who know me, they see just another young guy trying to make it in the world, I think I play the role so convincingly that they believe that I am actually tackling the world head on and winning. My acting skills really have come into a league of their own these last few months that's for sure.

There is only one person in the world at the moment who knows me the most. Well, not completely know me, not like how I will be on this blog, but far closer then anyone else I know. She adores me so much, to be honest I am not really sure why, but I'm not complaining, it's nice to have a true friend. I would love to open up to her more... but after what happened last year you could say I have some serious trust issues as of late.

People can't hurt you if you don't let them in right?

I am looking forward to this little experiment. It will be nice to be able to post without hesitating at the 'Publish' button thinking 'will they find this funny?' 'does this post sound boring?' 'I wonder what Katie would think if I post this'.

To be truly myself again is something I miss, it gets tiring keeping up the act day in, day out.

My mood lately is highly erratic... one moment I am happy with life, hope fills me as I start to think 'Huh, maybe things aren't so bad after all'... then the next moment I hate it all, I say I am fine when I'm not, and all I want to do is hide away for a while, to drop completely off the face of the Earth, to be completely alone where I'm not being judged, where I can just sit and have myself as my only company.

My mood will come out directly in my writing, which I count as a lucky skill to have. If I am happy, you will be able to tell. Currently... I'm just nothing. Not happy, not sad, just... there.

Enjoy my umbra intus (shadows within)